regles

You always were the one
to make us stand out in a crowd
Though every once upon a while
your head was in a cloud
There's nothing you could never do
to ever let me down
Just remember that I'll always love you

-minor incident, badly drawn boy


Hear ye, womenfolk!

Realisations with regard to that excruciatingly slow shedding of that thick nutritious bloody uterus wall

If a lady never has children, then the (48-13) x 12 = 35 x 12 = 420 approximate times she has her period (assuming she has it 12 times a year) will have been for nothing except that wondrous crazy possibility that it might happen someday. And siblings are the only people in the whole history of time, of the universe, of ever to ever have been in that same warm chamber that is the icky placenta womb of their mother, taking turns living in the same home for 9 months.

And my mother said they pump shit out of you before you give birth.

'What if the baby comes out with shit at the same time and there's shit on the baby's head?!'

'Yah, serious! It can happen!'

Yesterday, my first auntie in her late forties went to hospital for an above-related operation and my cousin (whose 6th birthday it was yesterday) called my second auntie and I tricked her that the first auntie was at the hospital to give birth.

'boy or girl? eh i want girl leh!'

'girl lah'

-puts phone aside- 'it's a girl! it's a girl!'

'oh! you have the same birthday as the baby! do you like that?'

-pause- (weirdly and properly) 'uh YES!'

her slightly older brother called later.

'where got so fast got baby one?'

'you see her stomach very fat right?'

'no.'

her big oldest brother called later.

'eh, jk right?'

today when the little one found out the truth.

'next time you tell me the truth i also won't believe you!'

Silly not-so-smug-anymore me.

family photos

the first people

kindergarten birthday

the balloon that flew to the crazy skies

The present from my mother that i saw when i awoke, that shot gloriously (actually horrifyingly) out of the car because the windows were down and the wind was strong. It had hanging stars and polkadots. Goodbye dear beautiful balloon!

But there, that was me on my 21st birthday, which was made wonderful by my bestest trustiest friends. And that my father walked around london (on a work trip) for hours trying to find LUSH for me, even silly-ly going into body shop to ask where LUSH was. Among other things I got a polkadotted swimming costume and a beatles card (with a spider on ringo's face and the rest watching) and a tarot card -Awakening your true self.- among other things in captain sea-ruby's magical bounty from wench lucy, a sweet cherry spice cake and green train pendant from janey, and we sent the ET with his japan luggages to the station, and from ah choo the maddest birthday party (partly due to the adult diapers) where elfie took me to the place blindfolded but when i was alone with the taxi driver for a few seconds i said, 'uncle, zhe bien shi na li?' and he said quickly, 'united square. bu yao jiang..!' (elfie later said he gave the uncle a thumbs-up and the uncle winked back) and blindly walking with elfie holding my hand the way it hasn't been held since i was little. to kindergarten of course where there were 2 tie-wearing lads singing Ring of Fire and I Saw Her Standing There (i think my heart exploded) and a glowing chocolate cake that said All you need is love and free flow of delicious ice cream and seeing everyone i hadn't seen a long time and everyone having ice cream -the bestest children's treat, except alcoholic- in that lovely glowing place where i will go back to thank mister chemistry-teacher-with-lab-glasses (though i wonder if he found out i wrote kimchi=placenta on his flavour board and the icecream scooper gave me a seductive scary 'happy birthday' wink before we left). ah choo wore the checkered dress that i 'made' (teacher did most of it) and we watched the video heartfeltly made by desiree. 'Let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love.' Poor conan (thanks for the colouring book and crayons!) burnt his hand trying to light 5 sparklers and zhi ying had magical green lipstick that wears on pink. And just the funny possibility that my stupid brother would turn up though he didn't. But above all i got a new feeling of courage to get better from the nonsensical worries in my head. Thanks for everything. Let's not ever grow up.

Love forever,
Mary Smith

richie tenenbaum tennis

A strong draft is blowing through my room and swirling around the neighbourhood. Close your eyes and you are in hogwarts.

*

From the Ministry of Health's booklet on organ transplant:

A person who is brain dead is truly and unequivocally dead and will never wake up nor regain consciousness again.

Brain death occurs when there is total and irreversible cessation of all functions of the brain in a person. When a person is declared brain dead, he will not be able to breathe on his own and will need to be artificially supported by a ventilator. Once the ventilator is switched off, the person's heart will cease to beat as his brain has already stopped functioning.

*

Last night i watched tennis for nearly 8 hours straight. I don't really understand this as I've never so much as use a tennis racket to hit a tennis ball. But i first got hooked one day a few years ago, when i turned on the tv on a school night and there was Roddick vs Federer and i watched for 3 hours straight though i had no idea about forehands or backhands or counting score. Now i do a bit more and why does everyone wear white at Wimbledon? And why does Nadal tug at his underwear nearly every time before serving? It was 3 in the morning but I perservered because I HAD TO SEE NADAL WIN. And during the darn rain breaks they showed the 1980 Borg vs McEnroe finals, one of the 'historic matches'. Here are Borg and McEnroe.

How i wish players today wore what they used to wear in the past. Small hard-material white shorts with zips and buttons, stripy cotton shirts, big red headbands (McEnroe). And the funny umpire sits on the same level as everyone and the some people in the crowd are mad women from the 80s with that side parted wave of a fringe and pinky lipstick cheering a bit psychotically, flailing their arms and looking madly self-amused. Watching the old match gave me a cosy feeling. I wish I could've shared the real match with my father but that 1980 match, my father was 20 when he watched it (like me now) and he watched it till his tv emitted smoke and burnt out halfway. He went to sleep (HOW COULD HE) and imagine how he felt the next day when he found out what happened ($!@%&*^%!!!) But I got to watch part of what my father didn't finish then. (Actually it was probably because he watched it halfway that he gave me a quite devastatingly inaccurate description of what happened in the match) When the real match resumed, my grandmother was still snoring loudly as I clutched Johnny and Sharkie, one in each arm. My feet were sweaty and my heart was beating fast. I almost got a seizure when they said '4th championship point'. Finally Nadal won. Johnny, Sharkie and I let out mad silent cheers. VAMOS!!!!!!!

alan

The frosty stars glowed while my cereal floated in a bowl of milk...