Nowhere man

Something that has changed my life recently: driving. Ever since I got my license last friday (and didn't jump and scream after getting it, was trying to control myself after the woman who passed behaved like a rabbit on heroin in a corridor full of people waiting to take their theory test and who were staring at walls overhearing her mad gasping exclamations) I can't stop thinking of driving and I'm addicted to it, and real addiction is something I seldom experience. Being an addict is...feeling down when you're not doing the thing you want to do (withdrawal symptoms), always thinking about the thing, not being able to concentrate well unless being very distracted by other things equally or more exciting. If not for my father being daring and suggesting that we go on the expressway on saturday morning, and using my mother's bigger car later, and driving to town a few times back and forth during the peak hours...! He made me horn at docile-looking pedestrians and helped me horn at a bad taxi. Boy do I love that horn. I just can't press it on time. Sitting in my room now but I feel like going for a night drive blasting music. Childish as it sounds compared to the fact that getting a license somewhat indicates more growing up, the nicest and funniest part so far is impressing my da gu and er gu (my aunties), my uncles, cousins, sister and brother. Yahoo! This morning my brother was actually afraid I'd get us into an accident. And when my cousins came for a ride this afternoon, they went 'I can't believe she's driving!' The baby (4 years old) said 'You drive ah? You so smart! Next time i grow up i can also be like you. You....primary 6 ah?' and kept wanting to hold my hand after that. It's funny and sweet how driving to kids is something they look up to, that makes people seem grown up like parents. And that's what they want to be.

True and False (David Mamet) is a life-changing book.

'Act first to desire your own good opinion.'

It's not just about acting. Reading it is like suddenly having sharp sunlight in your brain and fresh air in your nose and mouth. Make no compromises about living your dreams (an overused but so true phrase) and doing what you really want humbly but truly and with dignity. I hope this doesn't sound all pretentious and whatnot, because the book is anything but that. Maybe it sounds too simple, and cutting and crazy and wonderful all at the same time, but that's because it sounds awfully and madly like the truth, that I've been stupidly waiting to hear or read even though my heart knew it all along. But of course there are some nights where everything feels like shit, then just go read catcher in the rye and think of holden and cry at all the sad parts.