sunday night

If I can't have you, I'll throw my love into the deep blue sea

The good olde fresh rainy days are gone. But now that they are I can see clouds blooming from my window.

When I read about postmodernism and structuralism and all the things i thought i'd never care about, i realised it was just like the things that have been bothering me like a nagging stormcloud. And after endless rambles it all means, how do you live your life? Do you eat meat even if you can't kill a chicken? Do you shop at Gap? Do you really need to use a computer? Why did you think you had to go to university? And why the hell did you need a feature wall in your garden that consists of rectangular stones? And what does it all mean? Oh shut up.

If I am penny, I made friends with a lucy who cut my hair and orchid incense was burning in the toilet while olde chinese songs played, that seemed to come out of a moldy old grammophone, sung by women with black curly neat hair, red pins and tight cheongsams.

I tested my phone card and called Ibrahim in new york, he was still working in the park. It was a pitter pattery friday. 'Ello, it is Ibrahim' which made me squeal and jump. 'OH- XJ! How arr yoo!' And then after a while he passed the phone to Sakir. 'XJ? Where arr yoo! Where arr yoo! Where arr yoo! OH- Singaporr!' and then after a while he passed the phone back to Ibrahim. 'Where. Is. Desire? Thank you forr calling. I vill call yoo soon. Okay. Take care.' Then I called Nelson. Desire wasn't there but when i called her right after to tell her about it she knew how exciting it all was. It made my day.

When I swam with elysia last night she (wearing a body float) alternated between ordering me to let go ("I count 1 2 3 you swim away okay?!") and then clinging onto me like a baby duck ("Euh I scared!") and ended up clinging since her brother kept scaring her and when we neared this thing that shoots water out in a gentle arc of a stream into the pool, which I told her once was urine to get her into the big pool (though i don't understand the connection anymore) i said 'Eh let's go touch the shi shi!' 'I don't want!!!!!' 'Wait. Do you really think it's shi shi?' -looks around like a lost duckling, not answering- 'Do you really think they will put shi shi in the pool?' '....No.' 'Then do you think it's shi shi?' '....Yes.' When she finally touched it she smiled and said, 'Like shi shi leh.'

Here's the mail it never fails
It makes me wanna wag my tail
When it comes I wanna wail....
MAILLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

:-)

881

sticking yellow chrysanthemums and white flowers in my grandfather's gravestone grass on national day, his death anniversary. Elysia (wearing the magic pants i got her) never saw him or knew him. She is holding her storybook/sticker book.

I took my father and grandmother to watch 881 today (i say that because i was taking my grandmother and my father came along at my persuasion) and it was great. Not just because it was local (which already kind of makes it awesome). Anyway, we watched it at GV Yishun, and it was buzzing. The cinema was filled with families, ah pehs, ah sohs, people who brought their very old parents. It was nice that they came specially! (except bad GV played english ads and my grandmother who doesn't understand started yawning) And this will never be witnessed anywhere else in the world: (as we were finding our seats. read carefully and imagine hor) an ah-peh holding, like a kid, a packet of popcorn in the semi-dark, digging his nose with his pinky, then looking at me with a blank look as he realised i saw him at it. Tsk tsk tsk...ah-peh......li jia mi kia ah si ai aw pi sai ah?....AND THEN HOR, at one of the most climatic parts, this man's handphone rang and he answered it and started speaking loudly in hokkien and lydat not enough, he must still turn to his wife and ask her somethings in hokkien and den finish talking on his phone leh. People on the screen dying still want to talk. Make me want to shout, 'diam lah!!!!!!!!!!'

:-)

Sometimes it's the most grotesque and crudest parts of singapore that make me love it here.

nelson and rain

I LOVE LUCY


Me and Nelson, at my friday the 13th surprise birthday party, that desiree did, at the yellow umbrellas behind martha's ice cream, with twenty tiny red fluttering hearts and twenty candles on a peanut butter ice cream cake that was in danger of melting because when she told me to 'go buy ice cream' with her i told her i needed to pee. I really thought we were going to fry plain omelettes for dinner that night. I love lucy! I blew all the candles out in one breath after taking some time to make a wish. Nelson came though he wasn't feeling too good. He was extremely proud of the card he picked out, of an ape picking her nose, and on the inside it said 'XJ, I picked out something really nice for your birthday. Love and peace, Nelson.' And he gave me The White Album (!) which he knew i always wanted. Anyway, I miss him. He was one of the best friends we made there. Though when we 3 go out for dinner we sometimes don't know what to say, and he is tired and grumpy sometimes, but when it was nice it was wonderful, seeing him in the park after a tired day at work, and he shouts at us across the summer air 'Hello ladies!' or 'Hello beautifuls!' and always wears mad ties with his food safety thermometer in his front pocket. He's an olde hippy (well not that old). The only time we took booth photos with anyone else we took 2 with him, squeezing into the booth and had to do it twice because the first time you couldn't see us. And he took us to the drive-in and read my palm. And he told us about Edy's strawberry frozen fruit bar. So anyway, even though he hasn't replied my email I will find him the taschikis i promised and if the snail mail gets to him he will send us dreamcatchers made from natural materials he picked up, and read desiree's palm when she sends him a paint impression of her left palm. Some people are meant to meet, and Nellie, we miss ye. You have to believe in some things in this crazy world, and as nelson edward always thought, friendship is something to believe in.

Why is rain so nice? Yesterday I had a strangely fulfilling lesson learning how to use, in a basic way, an intermediately advanced videocamera. It felt like once you know how to use it, everything else depends on your imagination and how you turn the knobs or press the buttons. Isn't it funny that all your favourite movies, be it the royal tenenbaums or amelie or anything, in a way go down to delicate turns of knobs and buttons? So a moviemaker has to love his/her camera. I was glad I learnt it for I just remembered that magical movie ending that came to me long ago. Today I drove to school at 40 km/h in super heavy rain and real slow traffic listening to Sondre Lerche (You Knocked Me Off My Feet). O why can't it rain more. Today after a lecture of which we hardly paid attention, vivi, ling and i went to eat hot waffles at canteen 2 when it was raining out. Then we drove to newton listening to some strange lush cd with french songs in it. They got off and I registered for french at alliance whoopee. And it rained nearly all day! And my cousin bathes at least 4 times a day! And he changes his clothes every time, causing a problem with hanging clothes at his house! And his father told him to bathe for one minute each time or don't bathe! And his mother said 'you put too much soap is it?! Why you take so long?! Next time don't put so much soap!!!!' And once he tickled his brother when his brother needed to shit but was drinking milk from the milk bottle and then he shat in his pants and cried saying 'ko ko make me da bian'.

home

my magic cave when I just came back

When I run dry, I stop awhile and think of you

Sitting here sweating like a pig on a cool evening (why is singapore so bloody hot?), I just remembered that one of the nicest parts about working at the park was when it's around evening, and all the guests (yes, they call the customers guests. 'guest service!!!!!') are slowly leaving the park with their gigantic soft toys (giant red lizards two people have to carry, giant spidermen, crazy fur hats, neon turtles, bright pink unicorns) and there's hardly anyone around. It's peaceful then, with golden clouds. And with little/no violent and reckless people at go-karts we get to sit and chat, fantasize about what we're going to cook for dinner (the best dinners were the fried rice desiree and i made), drive the go-karts around madly violating all the rules we repeat vehemently to the violent creatures, and if we're at the rockwall/trampoline, talk to the people passing by who are usually too busy in the day to stop for a chat, like Ibrahim (turkish guy, our good friend whom we took to the movies at the mall) and Kyle (Napoleon Dynamite). Life seemed simpler then, being at Queensbury during summer, which is an exciting time for people there, it seems like summertime is the special happy-time of the year, places are buzzing, things are happening. So we work almost everyday, at gokarts or at the rockwall and giant trampoline, make friends with romanians, turkish, old guys at the park, everyone, buy our groceries at wonderful wal-mart, go for a movie at night, go somewhere for internet or chop veggies and make fried rice or pasta, do laundry, watch stupid shows like the biggest loser and clean house, wait for our off-days, hop on the fire-engine-red summer trolley and for a dollar stop anywhere in the area. And think about life. Oh boy.

And now it is thursday and it is raining outside and it is a peaceful day. The strangest thing I've done since coming back is visit castle green though I now stay at springleaf. Driving into the carpark was so familiar, and then the sound of the lift, the smell of the house, the smallness of it compared to this monstrosity we're now living in, my peach curtains in my small room. And i felt sad thinking it was probably the last time I would ever be in the house.

There was a really special and beautiful obituary in the papers 2 days ago. The header was My Love, followed by a nice picture of a happy woman, and sub-headings 'The way you are, My Special Girl Friday, when will you return....' And then a strange little paragraph going 'The girl I love to be marooned on a deserted island 14/08/06, You left without saying goodbye, I cannot let go. You walk in front, I totter behind. Tail-end Robert' and Robert listed himself as 'Husband: Robert Teo Architect'

I hope that when university is over I won't feel as if I have awoken from a dream I wish I never had. Is it strange, to feel so far removed from what they are talking about in class? Actually i dont care (and never will) about the history of communication studies, or postmodernism or anything like that, dang it all the way to bukit timah shit. Do you, dear reader?! Oh my I'm not even halfway to finishing! Someone sweep me away to turkey or mauritius and let's get married there!!!!!

p.s. comments finally work here!

howdy doo

We are here in Albany now, a peaceful lovely place with crazy clouds, sunshine, wooden houses and quaint shops, purple flowers, dandelions, yellow chrysanthemums, wal-mart and an outdoor wooden-looking amusement park (where we're working). Flights are miserable, but it's worth getting to where you want to go! The best parts of L.A. were venice beach, a crazy bohemian hippy happyhouse asylum place that felt like the 60s and this guy sat near us as we ate fish and chips by the pacific ocean and sang beegees and beatles. He sang norwegian wood and octopus' garden and we got beatles posters, johnny cash shirts, and crazy stuff. And the SUBURBAN HEAT as we took the public bus for an hour to hollywood and downtown L.A., among the 'hood and where people live and the shops, and all the houses and shops are aqua coloured, salmon coloured, dark blue, red, yellow, with handpainted signs. It was like in napoleon dynamite. Anyhow, for full details and mad sounds see desiree's blog (i didnt bring my laptop and internet is hard to come by), iloveamelica.blogspot.com

YAHOO

Two of us riding nowhere
Spending someone's hard-earned pay

These past few days i have been swathed with harry potter and clouds. Good ol' harry potter. There's nothing like warm lights, fireplaces, 'flagons of pumpkin juice', lawns, lighted common rooms and wooden wands. Did anyone notice that saturday was an amazingly cloudy day? There were clouds of all kinds, the huge, glorious fiery ones that puff magnificently and seem nearer, the further away, more wispy ones, and the kind that streaks across the sky very lightly like a patch of feathers, made up of a spread of very organised wispy clouds, far and lovely. That's called cirrus i think. And there's also the kind that eventually joins up in huge puffs, like a very white pouffy cake. Anyway it was really amazing. Sunday was like that too and i took some amazing pictures. I just can't imagine anyone dying in the last harry potter book. Maybe Snape will, after harry finds out he's good. He'll hold harry's hand and cry out his last words, everyone reading will let out a huge sob, and then he'll just...expire. 'Barking mad.....!'

Lou: Are ye sure ye don't want an ice cream?
Andy (staring at the floor in his wheelchair): Yeah.
Lou: But you said it was the perfect compliment to a hot summer's day!
Andy: Yeah i know.
Lou: So do you want an ice cream?
Andy: No.
Lou: Are ye sure? Because if we went away and you say you want one, it would be a right kerfuffle.
Andy: I don't want one.
(they go away)
Andy: I want an ice cream.

midsummer night's dream

A Midsummer Night's Dream

there's nothing quite as magical and splendid as outdoor theatre in nature. tonight there were throngs of shrieking and hooting st nicks girls, people who brought pillows, cheese and red wine, babies dressed like fairies with wings and glitter, damp grass, trees, a few stars, clouds and a full moon. along with sweaty running actors and their sprays of spit under the glaring light and wonderful words floating and booming around. it was super lovely. nay, in some way, it was glorious!

*:-D

beatles video

The Beatles- Real Love

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Dpns-QspX04

the most splendid beatles video ever

elvis makes me cry

Elvis makes me cry

I never thought i'd say this but consumerism is evil. Despite how you might think you can't deny your desires to shop or possess things, and how the shopaholic series might make it all seem rather adorable, and how it's sort of funny that women love/need shopping (well men do too now, my brother has more expensive taste than me now, imagine that), it's still sort of evil and unnatural. The desire to enter big bright malls with made-up sales people, consciously-dressed shoppers, big price tags that would give your grandmother a heart attack, and clothes that so did not originate from there (indian, hippie), so as to search for clothes that would make you feel good about yourself, can't be a very splendid thing. And actually the vehement way i'm putting it makes it feel kind of revolting and senseless.

I will try to stop feeling so emotionally attached to the old house though it's my favourite place in the world, so that one day when and if it ever gets sold my heart won't break too much.

"Life is cruel, protect yourself."
Mary Smith

But no, that would be silly too.

huckleberry

That would be a pretty howdy-do, wouldn't it?

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn will make you feel like a boy on a crazy adventure. Which is one of the best feelings in the world.

My brother is back from bmt for a bit. We picked him up for the first time last night after his first 2 weeks. A clump of parents were crowding around the bus door, yes the door where their boys (oh i mean men) emerged, no doubt to manly slaps and motherly hugs. We stood rather far from that scene, in front of the mrt station, with another group of parents/girlfriends/grandmas/siblings. It was lovely because there was an old indian man standing by the side, barely lit by the street lamps, but his music just floating through the night as all these people awaited. He played on his electric guitar some early rock and roll, some elvis, donny osmond (a song about paper planes). He played so simply and his singing was nice. Oh it was lovely and nostalgic. What made a man come out of his house on a friday night to stand in a dark corner and play, when it's obvious he won't get much money at all? I guess he just loved doing it, which is the loveliest thing of all.

We watched Elvis: The Lost Performances in my auntie's room and baby was dancing, they were all dancing. Now Elvis is cool. That white suit! With a v all the way to his stomach, and the bell bottoms. And his hair with those sideburns, and his mighty gold rings. "you ain't!" (nothin but a hound dog) Elvis the Pelvis. Elvis is lovely.

We're leaving in 2 weeks. And you can say that i am very desperate to get my hands on a beautiful hardcover copy of harry potter and the deathly hallows, oh to touch that embossed cover and see the tiny stars in the book and just paying for the bloody book and i am very desperate to just sit and read and not know the ending from any little kid i'm buckling up on a rollercoaster. does it sound crazy? but you have to be irrational, or what, risk hearing 'Harry died! Snape killed him!' and then you can just knock your head against the wall. so, dear friends, pray for our success in this important quest. and though i may sound irrational, it is the last book of the series, which i've read since i was 10 or 11. there's just going to be madness when it comes out. someone won't leave her house till her mother goes out -to the danger zone- and buys the book, they're setting up counselling helplines in case someone important in the book dies, people might get arrested for revealing the ending (hopefully!!!!!!!!!), tv stations forbidden from mentioning the ending. crazy things are going to happen to the muggle world, beware!

lumos!

earthlike planet

Scientists find most Earthlike planet yet

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18293978/

Mankind's rarest view: Earth from afar

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18202449/

libre!

keeping an eye on the world going by my window

Is it fer real?! I just had me last exam. Of the first year of university.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still feel like it wasn't long ago I was sitting in literature class in jc and everyone was stubbornly staring downwards as Harris posed a question, or sitting around the garden tables in the magical sunlight.

Ah.....!

French words are swirling in my head as the last exam was French and the comprehension passage was horoscope predictions. And one of the later questions was something like, Quelle exactement vous commencez a etudier pour cette examen? And the answer was Depuis le___. So i filled in 'matin aujourd'hui'. And some other thing i wrote water from the hill. Je ne sais pas! Je veux acheter des choses pour ma nouvelle chambre mais mon pere ne me permets pas. Je veux lire les livres 3,4,5,6 de harry potter et vivre sans ma famille, donc je peux faire de la cuisine, faire la maison, rester a mon lit pendant la nuit et penser des choses. Nous allons demenager et cette maison, il me manque. Ma chambre est merveilleux pendant la nuit.

Whats-her-name and i are leaving in 18 days!! Oh my, oh my. Scuttle scuttle. Choose a suitcase. Make a list. Call America. Pack everything. Instruct family. Leave for adventure. Take 50 hours of plane rides. Have a lovely time. You know before you leave for somewhere there are things you unconsciously somehow fix in your head, things you think you are going to see? I keep thinking and being excited about...flea markets, quaint shops, people with mad hair, little theatre shows. I have also imagined new york through Catcher in the rye and Extremely loud and incredibly close. Holden and Oskar. Oskar....

There's so much to do you could just lie in bed all night, covered by your warm sheets, staring at the smooth ceiling, thinking about it.

rattail

Rattail braids














http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rattail_%28haircut%29
pictures from flickr people who like taking rattails

whoo

WHOOO

sheriff

A sheriff and her horse

mon frere et moi

Trees, swaying in the summer breeze
showing off their silver leaves
as we walk by

let it be

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me

Mary in the song was Paul's mother. And when he sings 'When i wake up to the sound of music' he means Yesterday. The last time i woke up to any sound of music was C.R.A.Z.Y, drifting in one morning with peach curtains and light blue walls. I have to admit that I am extremely, maybe overly, seduced by the idea of a family home. All the cans in the kitchens, baked beans, pineapples, tuna, functional kitchen counters, toilets filled with crazy soaps and towels and littered with gross clothes, messy bedrooms with bookcases, ticket stubs and forms and letters strewn around. I don't really know why.

My grandmother bought her urn yesterday. (Insane!) It cost $8000 and she got one for my grandfather too, for whenever he is exhumed. She says it's normal and some friends do it. She found it shocking and weird when i asked about keeping her ashes like they do in movies. Anyway i just want to keep a little of her in a pendant, her mixed with my grandfather. But then it is crazy to think that someday she will be reduced to ashes. All those wrinkles, her moronic moles and icky curly hair and spider veins and fat hips and bunion.

Dammit.

NS

Gones are the day...

where boys had to queue up to call their family/girlfriend using 10 cent public phones in NS. My friends, my brother went to NS today! We took a ferry to pulau tekong (some parts of it that spread out from the island seemingly untouched looked a little like the beach in The Return, with all that sky). Oh but before that, at the terminal, when we just arrived, this guy was walking around looking rather severely at all the 'enlistees' and saying things. When he came to us (remember we had barely arrived) he ordered my brother, 'Tuck in.' in front of us!! I had to laugh. Boys around were tucking in their shirts into their low jeans or already had them tucked in. And there were all these huge photos plastered on the walls, the army's publicity. 'Every soldier is a leader'. Ooooh. And after that, as you walk towards the ferry, a whole stretch of such awe-inspiring words hung from the ceiling, like Perseverance, Professionalism, Courage, Human Spirit and things like that. Well my father started rattling on 'Professionalism! Makes me think of my NS time. Wah...they told me to take a week off and go to the library and research to write a speech for the minister of defence. in the end i was so proud when mine was chosen. he was saying his speech then wah, how come sound like my one ah?' Who knows how he did it. But anyway, he was being fascinated with the parents booklet in the ferry. Everyone was strangely quiet and he said 'Eh, to be chosen as an officer, you must consistently show your abilities leh' (i know he really wants my brother to be an officer. p.s. i found out to my horror and amusement that he was once ns man of the year) So when we got to the island we were given a tour around, and at the bunks, our guide said to all the curious family members and friends things like 'As you can see! there is a mosquito net above the bed! this is to prevent mosquito bites!' and 'the cupboard is designed well. it has a drawer for your son to put his personal belongings! he can put his wallet and handphone inside this drawer!' but the funny moment came in the auditorium after the lieutenant colonel (a nice guy, but who said things like 'building brocks' and 'gones are the day' and 'it is very importance') invited the audience to ask questions and this father stood up and said, 'I am for the concept of national service, but it is very discomforting to read of fatalities in the paper. how can you ensure that there will be no torturing and what systems do you have in place...?' Oh what a tickling moment. But no one laughed. And my brother just seemed fine with everything. It felt strange thinking that he was in NS. It is sort of an adventure i guess, going into the forest and firing guns, but a really long one that you have no control over. I just hope he has fun with the people in his section and if he gets tortured I'll kill 'em. He called back earlier and sounded nicer already. I miss him.

'Where boys become men'.....

home

Someone to run with

Today we went out for hours to many places looking at furniture and lights. I got a stained glass purple and blue mosaic hanging ceiling lamp from a man called john and a simple black chandelier (though this word makes it sound grand and pompous) from ikea where we measured bookcases and stood in front of wardrobes feeling sad. (Also saw a punk in a carpark with a mohawk and many piercings, cleaning out his car) This whole idea of a HOME...is so elusive and yet is something everyone has a warm image of inside. A place where you can just be. Maybe the only place in the world you can just be. And it's easy to get so worked up about what is going to be in it and where because that is what makes it your world and the world you are imagining inside and you just want it to look like what you are dreaming of, when actually, all you are yearning for is a peaceful and free feeling, and not exactly the furniture. Maybe it's like how everyone wants to be loved and how, quoting a book, 'Even your yearning for sex is really a dyslexic search for love'. I don't know how all this might explain itself but maybe that's why it makes me sad that no one in my family has any faith in me or my room and almost all think it will look awful and have no bloody fudging theme.

saturday noon

Excusez-moi, Monsieur

1. Baby Ducky got into the big pool last saturday night! After months of frustrating crazy attempts and hoarse throats and too much excitement and children crowding around trying, we finally did it. She wore the fishy body vest I got her for christmas from toy r us for a few dollars, and went to the staircase corner of the big pool. It was the splendid circumstances that finally got her to do it. There happened to be a corner of the big pool where there was a staircase, nicely lit, cosy looking, not big and scary looking. So she went in and dared to go a few steps before I carried her and then soon I was carrying her around the pool and soon just holding her hands, and soon holding her both hands for 3 counts then holding only 1 hand for 3 counts, then 5 counts. She was panting and laughing and shrieking and just behaving like a deranged panicked tickled dog!!!!! Her legs weren't kicking at the back but directly underneath her tiny body. Finally what got her to do it was that we went to this other staircase part of the pool that she could see was shallow but where she just couldnt touch the floor and had to float, so in the end, she did it and was floating around the pool like a crazy puppy and we were 'racing' her. Hurray! It was a historic moment in her 5 years of life.

2. me, shaun and zhon yun watched the mango play last night, modified and directed by desiree for her hall event. It was nostalgic, hilarious, overwhelming and strange.

3. French is so fun i wish there could be nothing but french lessons everyday.

4. I really should be doing my work.

ducky

Ducky
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sirsanta/sets/1738900/

Because you're sweet and lovely girl, I love you
Because you're sweet and lovely girl, it's true

Paul-is-dead theories are terrible and disturbing. Never read any. They all suck. You just want to believe he is alive, don't you? When you think about it, it's mindblowing that bob dylan and paul and ringo are....walking around, existing somewhere still.

Isn't it heartbreaking that for the most part of the world, the people you love in tv shows or movies, or singers and bands either don't exist in real life or don't know you exist? When all these people and worlds mean a great special deal. Isn't it funny that you would think so warmly of them when they never think of you? It's funny though, I would clutch onto these shows and songs and people till I die.

On a wackier note, today an old chinese woman was busy looking through her groceries with her female mates and was wearing an old-woman-blouse (that material) without a bra (ah, to be an old granny who doesn't care anymore) and when the sun shone through I happened to see the saggiest breasts I ever saw in my life.

bad day

Tom, get your plane right on time
I know, your part'll go fine

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sirsanta

After some magical calculations I realised it's:
2 weeks of school to the last week of school
1 week of study break (brother goes to NS), then
exams for 1.5 weeks, then
2 weeks to LA and NY
So, it's 6 weeks to the end of the semester and less than 8 weeks to new york! And it hardly feels like i'm already so much into the semester. I'm loving this, it's like magic.

And with 2 project presentations, 1 video to edit, 1 website to create, 1 research paper to write, 1 more assignment to finish and 1 more quiz, I can't wait for it all to be over and for the exams to come.

When the architect (young woman who likes Amelie and mary-janes and mad colours but designs grey or beige stuff) saw my room colour she said 'Groovy!' and that her room used to be like that. When the built-in furniture designer (who's doing everyone's room but mine) saw my room he said those colours are no longer in. As a secondary school boy would say, Go and die lah.

Yesterday we played midnight catching in my auntie's room, me, nat, sai, shann and elysia. I was carrying elysia and she clung onto to me and her heart was beating so quickly! The catcher has to put the blanket over his/her face and feel around the whole room. Sai had a fall, elysia overcame her fear of the dark and shann panted like mad. It was so fun. Oh and midnight catching just means catching in the dark. Sometimes i'm glad i didn't go overseas- would have missed all this. I love them!

All of the nights we harmonized till dawn
I never laughed so long,
So long
So long

la vie de dora

la vie de dora

sgt pepper

Buckets of rain, buckets of tears,
Got all them buckets comin' outta my ears
Buckets of moonbeam in my hand
You got all the love
Honey baby I can stand

I lost my Sgt. Pepper badge. One moment it was on my breast the next moment I looked down and it was gone, and I can't fnd it, and neither can the toilet auntie whose hair was adorably done up in braids today. Is this a special day? Is she meeting her sweetheart? There it is up there. Isn't it glorious?

Dear Bob, I wish we could hang out. I wish there were more quiet afternoons and days, spent working on something in my room, or just reading. Recently I've known that I'm happiest when making or creating something. I wish there was still carpet to lie around despite the millions of mites living in it (fer real). I wish we could play hide and seek in the afternoons and say whatever we want to everyone in the world.

Dear John Bean, please don't be mad at me for not spending enough time with you/looking at you more often. I will take you to watch Mr. Bean's french vacation movie.

Dear sheep on my starry blue blanket, thank you for keeping me company every night.

And dear tiny hairs on my stomach, when my cousins stop asking about you, I will know what has happened to them.

Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl
but she doesn't have a lot to say
Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl
but she changes from day to day
I wanna tell her that I love her a lot
but i gotta get a belly full-a wine
Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl
someday i'm gonna make her mine,
oh yeah,
someday i'm gonna make her mine

passion, zest and stream

Love is a flower, you got to let it grow

My parents came home this afternoon after a whole morning at springleaf and casually said that my room has been painted!!!! I didn't even know it had started. He said it was the most exciting room. It was all madness and I asked her how was it and she said '....not nice lah.' How encouraging. Then my father said 'Frankly I don't like it. Nice for science centre lah' and I had no idea what the hell he meant. So we rushed there and there it was! After a few seconds I realised it was almost exactly what I imagined it to be, or exactly like that. a deep purple ceiling, a dark blue wall, and 3 dreamy light blue walls. There were splotches of white all over the walls where they were trying to smooth the wall or something and the light blue walls looked like they had clouds on them. Sai sai's room is very dreamy blue, like the colour Seacastle. The only bad thing is they don't like the Mayan yellow, think it's too bright and mad. But darn it's so nice. Also I noticed the highest roof of the house is small and square domed with glass beneath it and it looks a little like a castle. When we were leaving my father asked one of the workers who sleeps in my room now whether he can sleep or not, and he said, 'Can!!!!! I just see, wah, close my eyes, can sleep already.'

dora is dying and who wants to be in a marching band? Or a little band. I'll play drums, someone strum guitar, someone swish tambourine and someone sing and dance. We can call ourselves The Doras and each wear a yellow, pink, orange and red gerberra. We can play all kinds of songs from yankee doodle to across the universe to raindrops keep falling on my head. We can make up songs about our mothers and our panties. We can be happy. Contact me if interested.

dora

I wasn't talking about your pigtails
I was talking about your sex appeal

A few days ago I realised what a truly nice cd bridge over troubled waters is. And that is when you like almost every single song in the cd, and you long to listen to it so much. Simon and Garfunkel are 60s and summer. They are the gentle summer leaves, swaying breeze, postman and jungle eyelash boys.

Dora my evil-pink gerberra is blooming. She has gentle petals and her middle was dark brown, but now it is yellow-orange. Her petals today have a very slight purplish tinge to them. Please don't die, Dora. I'm sorry someone ever plucked you off.

I went for my sister's meet the parents session last friday night and it was sickening. The vice-principal emphasized that 'your girls must score 90 marks and above if they want to remain in the school!' and in the classroom, while parents copied tables of highest/lowest/average scores for all the subjects, the teacher was engaged in what liang zhi qiang calls CC (cover ka-ching) or BCC (better cover ka-ching) while a few parents asked her questions. ("My daughter say that this class is very behind in english compared to other classes..." "My daughter say that those who come this class are not so good at ___....is it?")

From now it is going to be a busy ride to the end of this semester with Big projects and tests queuing up to be done before the exams. This week there's a broadcast media quiz and french test. In between flossing teeth and sitting down for project meetings, I found the time to be in a 40-minute jam on the KJE at the end of which I saw a dead man by the road covered with white cloth. His hand, wearing a watch, and his shoes were sticking out. It was one of the most terrible sights ever. Rest in peace, dear man who died while going to work one day on the expressway and found himself knocked by a bloody lorry and found his life ended. I'm sorry you went on a morning when everyone was just driving to work like it was any other day. At least you caused a jam.

astronomy lecturers

Please read this from the site of the 2 astronomy professors who really take the effort to organize stargazing sessions and sms everyone when there is bad weather and they have to postpone it (which invariably happens almost every time). They are so hilarious!!!!!!

http://www.ntu.edu.sg/nusod06/people.htm

The last weekday of the mid semester break!!!!!

-pounds chest like deranged neanderthal-

paris je t'aime

Filming for my short film project (for a module) starts tomorrow, and Yu Hui's father has charmingly agreed to be the father! The father who twists the entire film. Merci beaucoup!!!! He saved us by agreeing, and he even sent me a message today saying 'Hope u all will not be disappointed with my amateurism'. Oh lovely lad!

Speaking of lovely lads, i just watched the oscars! Lots of lovely lads there like will ferrell, jack black, steve carell and ryan gosling and leonardo dicaprio. Don't know why they keep filming jack nicholson in all the award shows, like he's some crazy big cool grandy-o cat. Well. He is. And marty! When he won, the voiceover (that had been giving trivia whenever anyone won) said 'Martin Scorcese says this is his first movie that has a plot!' Oh delirious and I bet some censors are horrified that the person who won best song (Melissa Etheridge), -and there was already some roar of horror when dreamgirls with 3 nominations didn't win- thanked 'my wife and her 4 children'. And really agonisingly, they filmed a bit of ken watanabe's scrunched up face when the man they were honouring for his great music gave a really long speech in spanish or something. I think that was the most fun oscars ever, though i feel confused feeling depressed over how much weight is put on it and how i myself was at the same time really excited about watching it.

When was it? Yesterday I was sitting somewhere and felt a true, real pang of feeling extremely excited and illuminated about going to LA and NY. And my father agreed to us staying in a hostel. What has brought on this miracle??!!!?!! And what is it about the number 23?

from Rushmore, to Max's red beret, braced teeth, thick specs, and gentle trees in the wind
A Summer Song- CHAD AND JEREMY

Trees swayin' in the summer breeze
Showin' off their silver leaves
As we walked by

Soft kisses on a summer's day
Laughing all our cares away
Just you and I

Sweet sleepy warmth of summer nights
Gazing at the distant lights
In the starry sky

strange things

Strange things have been happening. Strange secret little things like little seeds in a late summer garden. I'm beginning to think that the more little flower secrets you have, the happier it is.

There is going to be a movie called Across the Universe (words are falling out like endless rain into a paper cup...) set in the 60s, with the war and civil rights movement and hippies, with a love story and beatles songs and all the main characters have names like Jude and Lucy (in the sky with diamonds), (Sexy) Sadie, (being for the benefit of) Mr. Kite! Fizzy dizzy! Paul oh Paul! On the other side of the world, protected by bodyguards! How can we have tea in an english garden?

In my heart of hearts, I just want to relax in an armchair all day reading my storybooks or harry potter, and sit on the sofa with chips and pepsi twist with ice, and watch little britain ALL DAY (which i couldn't help but buy just now). I love Ray McCooney. (the looney scottish restaurant owner)

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS.

-noncensical piccolo tune-

chinese new year

I remember now, Jess once asked Rory if she has read Franny and Zooey. This is so strange. I need gilmore girls but if I want to buy it to watch, it costs at least $70. How does that work? I haven't watched it in months, maybe almost a year. Is that why my heart has turned cold and frozen??????

Yes I did it. I only said happy new year once or twice at the most this year.

The most exciting part of any chinese new year for me is seeing my cousins, whom I see once a week anyway. But when they are dressed in crazy chinese new year silky silly clothes, and we are all dressed up, and I come back from my mother's mother's house, it is impossible to contain my insane unreasonable excitement. So actually, such things are only fun when you are with the people you love, because the time you meet is more special than usual.

And I don't know if it's because I've never noticed it before, but when we watched Just Follow Law yesterday, it seemed like the entire cinema was laughing like mad at some parts. I think it's because it's singaporean and I think I decided that nothing beats singaporean humour when you are singaporean. 'erm....the smoke symbolizes the people's loss of direction' (mad old women dancing chinese dance on stage coughing and fanning away the smoke effect, which is actually fire extinguisher sprayed by mad people) Hi ho, I'm getting more patriotic everyday, it's strange and true.

Esmonde has invited me to his house tomorrow morning. He didn't really want me to go alone, because he says it would be 'scandalous and inappropriate' and he will 'blush like a flame'. Oh Esmonday! Do not fret, milady! I will be the one to blush like a rose stained with fresh blood! (Whatever that means)

Finally decided on room colours. I realised I was hung up (still am) on the blue and yellow circus feeling, because blue and yellow are the colours of cirque du soleil. And ikea. And courts. Now I think it'll be this: a deep purple magic ceiling, with 3 light blue walls and 1 dark zest blue wall. Fantastique! Merveilleux! Voila ma chambre- Le très petit cirque de Mary Smith. La maison de ma coeur. Ma grand-mére va au Chine avec ses vieux amis. Elle est fou, parce-que aujourd'hui, elle est telephoné deux fois pour dire 'je suis ici, je suis ici', parce-qu'elle n'a pas autres choses à faire.

Classe française, à derniere Vendredi:
un imperatif exercise:
Le livre: 'Ce sandwich est mauvais.'
(correct answer: 'Ne le mangez pas!')
Un etudiant amusant: 'Mange-moi'
Je ne comprends pas!

dear ones

Cha cha for Elysia

PAINTS

OGGY OGGY OGGY
OINK OINK ONIK

Papa said we have to choose the colours today. He has taken back what he said but anyway I went around all day with the bloody catalogue staring mainly at 2 colours and my mind is being electrified, no electrocuted with colour combinations and my mother's words (don't anyhow choose or you'll regret it) and my brother's words (choose anything for me lah) and my own images of my room. Nippon doesn't have evil pink, the colour that for months I have imagined my room to be. Neither does it have vermillion (actually, it does. it's FRESH blood red labelled as vermillion). So I got the idea of 2 walls MAYAN YELLOW and 2 walls ZEST or CONTINENTAL BLUE, and maybe the ceiling shall be aquarine. But anyway, I had this vision of the room being this glowing yellow and blue thing like a magic circus. All these visions....! My mother and grandmother are horrified and my head is pounding because i did my most adventurous driving yet, today, from home to ntu to jurong point to ntu to newton circus roundabout to home. And now i can't help check out the dulux site though my father says it has to be nippon, because i just want to torture myself by seeing that they have evil pink there, but the silly old english sheepdog marmaduke just won't walk past the screen and is stuck in the middle at 48%. Oh you silly marmaduke! Watched Miss Potter today and it was gloriously lovely. Tomorrow is valentine's day but who cares I just can't wait for chinese new year to eat everything like mad and get money and play. Strange sunny days that are childhood.

The wisdom teeth operation is off because of the risk that the nerve might be hit and my lower lip will feel numb forever. Then I won't be able to swim, shout, speak, kiss, blow, WHISTLE! What's life without whistling?

This is what I want: to be in a house by the sea with my husband and 5 children, with crazy blue skies and crazy clouds, splashing water, lots of sand, mad rainy days, hot steamy drinks, bathing suits, a wooden house, paints and freedom.

But for now every morning that I wake up at 8 something am to my peach curtains and a bright day, instead of frozen sad mornings sitting at the benches swatting mosquitoes, feels like a blessing.

sgt peppers mojo

Sgt. Pepper's Mojo

The new issue of Mojo's main article is on sgt pepper and how it was made, with a cd of the whole sgt pepper rerecorded by weird bands and people!!!!! Very exciting. Playing the first song of the cd now. Sounds sort of fruity and repetitive. HAHAHA it's now the second track and it's 'What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me' and it began with a mad fruity sounding woman on a kids show, and now it's evolved into a ukulele-like background guitar strumming with this man and woman tenderly singing.

I can't wait for my wisdom teeth operation which will probably be next friday. I know it will be very painful, and it'll be my first injection in 7 years. But it'll prepare me for further pain like pregnancy or chemotherapy if needed. In a strange way I am also anticipating the woozy dizzy heavy feeling again, from all the painkillers and lying around half dead and eating porridge and watching tv and reading. Hurray!

Okay it's lucy in the sky with diamonds now. Mad sounding background vocals make me imagine pink and purple feather wearing women with red lipstick and 1920s flapper headcaps and long false eyelashes harmonizing ticklishly.

Okay I couldn't help it and skipped to Lovely Rita and it sounds like a horrible draggy weird thing!!!!!! Cranky! When I'm sixty-four sounds crankier. It all sounds quite horrible but it's so FUNNY. TERRIBLE!!!!! For the benefit of mr. kite is great. Circusy and psychedelic and marvellous. It's by a band called bikeride.

Tu ne dois pas achéter un cadeau pour moi, mais si tu veux, j'aime les vélos. Non, je plaisante.

I read the news today, oh boy
Four thousand holes in blackburn, lancashire
And though the holes were rather small
They had to count them all
Now you know how many holes it takes to fill the albert hall
I'd love to turn you on......

On to the bonus track All you need is love! The starting has the combined glory of classic orchestral music with psychedelic indian sounds, and then a man's voice 'love love love...' bouncing along like some kids' show tune. I feel like I'm in a kids bunny show. At the end of all you need is love john and paul go 'she loves you, yeah yeah yeah' and rouse the crowd to sing and so does this guy. This is hilarious. He's inserting his own lines from bob dylan like 'like a rolling stone' and 'everybody must get stoned' (unless they were there to begin with). Sounding a bit like crazy will ferrell now. This is so whimsical. Love is all you need.

lovin spoonful

http://youtube.com/watch?v=5SgZE-X8i1c

Tingly.

thursday leaves

Can someone invent another word for errands? Here's one...peter rabbit. I've got some peter rabbits to run. That sounds much more pleasant and lovely.

I was waiting for the bus at novena this morning and spotted an indian worker on the wide road divider sweeping crunchy brown leaves, (has anyone noticed that these few days are far windier? almost like singapore is morphing into a romantic autumn place) wearing the neon yellow body vest, long pants, boots, a blue cap and listening to a walkman or something neatly tucked into his clothes (secretly?). The wind was blowing leaves around and traffic was whizzing past and the golden sun was making the leaves and trees glow and watching him smile while listening to his radio or whatever it was, was like a childhood feeling moment. Like a blood on the tracks morning wind in the willows english storybooks soft winds talking animals biscuits and pillows moment. Which reminds of the time after a levels, going for driving lessons in the morning, listening to bob dylan, which incredulously was one year ago. Nice cloudy dreamy days of being 18 and having nothing to do....

Can't wait to eat porridge, eggs and vegetables for lunch.

monday night

Hmmm...there is a very very slim silver of a chance that bob dylan or paul or ringo might chance upon this webpage. After all it is available for anyone in the world to read. If you are reading, hi there...I wish we could be friends.

Today desiree and i and auntie went to book our tickets, finally! Places like Anchorage and Cleveland. "Anchorage, Alaska!" "Cleveland, Ohio!" Phrases that resound because of obsessive watching of a few tv shows.

LUSH changes my life. I used LUSH since yesterday, and it was absolutely sneakily fizzily invigorating. There are 3 bottles this time. One dark purple, one coconut-colored and one vermillion. The shampoo (SYLVIA STOUT) contains beer, stout (are those the same things?), cognac oil and lemon. It smells quite strange and revolting but it is oddly satisfying to use it and put up with the smell each time. The conditioner (COOLAULAMIN?) is thick, coconut-flavoured and smells delicious. The orange body wash is LUSH's signature soap/smell, called KARMA. It is citrus and lemon mixed with a 'secret blend of eastern spices', and it is supposed to be a calming shower. I come out of the shower smelling of coconut and sweet eastern spices. And when I wake up the next morning and just wet my hair in the bath the coconut smell emanates from my thick locks. And when i was out of the house my hair smelt of the cognac or beer. Yummy. Lovely fascinating fresh soaps!!!!!!

fall is here, hear the yell
back to school, ring the bell
brand new shoes, walkin blues
climb the fence, books and pens
i can tell that we are gonna be friends
i can tell that we are gonna be friends

walk with me, suzy lee
through the park, and by the tree
we will rest upon the ground
and look at all the bugs we found
safely walk to school without a sound
safely walk to school without a sound

sunday

I feel like all my attempts at blogging, at this writing exercise of sorts, are silly tries at expressing myself and when i read my friends' blogs it seems i can imagine them just saying those things like themselves.

Anyway, has anyone noticed that tian mi mi and once upon a dream (from lady and the tramp) are very similar? Though one is a chinese song and another is a rather classical and grand sort of english song, they're both about meeting someone in a dream.

Shi ni, shi ni, meng jian de jiu shi ni
zai na li, zai na li jian guo ni
(mango tree!)

and

I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you
the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
And i know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem
but if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
The way you did once upon a dream

Someone somewhere said "don't worry about your life", and I think I'm feeling the beginning of that this sunday. I can be an extreme worrier sometimes and as my mother very nicely likes to reminds me, when I was a baby, the doctor labelled me 'a vomitter' too. What an absurd and condemning label. Twice this week I just lay on the bed and sofa watching tennis male semi finals and finals for hours. It's funny how everytime it happens it started simply by chance. The first time I ever really watched tennis was a night in jc 2 when I turned on the tv just for some sound while I was brushing my teeth, and it was federer vs roddick and i had no idea who they were. I ended up watching the match till 2am. And then another time it was federer (curly haired swiss who remains extremely calm and pushes his curls back gently) vs nadal (long-haired warrior looking intense spanish). And a few days ago i chanced upon nadal vs gonzalez (hamster-like chilean), and then just had to watch roddick (crazy funny american guy) vs federer and then today federer vs gonzalez. I don't know anyone else who exists in the current tennis world but when you watch those you know they feel like friends you are rooting for. The clackety sound of the ball being hit and the hoof-like sounds of the feet on the ground and the pleasing green color of the court make it nice to watch. Sometimes i think i'd like nothing better than to lie on a bed for 3 hours straight watching tennis. In 10 things i hate about you, patrick said that he lived with his grandfather and cooked spaghetti (or something like that) and watched wheel of fortune for a year. Since hearing that i have fantasized about doing something like that. Like being in a sunny house surrounded by grass and flowers somewhere, for a year with little miss sunshine (elysia), nat and my sister, and painting and doing funny stuff all day and sleeping like safe babies at night. Oh boy that would be the loveliest, charmingest, funnest thing in the whole wide cloudy shitass world. Goodnight oh sucky world!

friday

I can tell that we are gonna be friends

Mad french class today when we had to role-play in a restaurant situation. The first group had difficult tourists, and one found a worm in her soupe, and she just kept saying 'C'est un mauvais restaurant' and laughing. And another guy, this vietnamese guy who is supposed to be difficult, told the manager he doesn't like his escargots, and the manager said but you haven't tried it and he kept saying 'je sais je n'aime pas' and giggling and insisting and everyone went mad laughing at almost everything, or I did anyway. And the manager said 'je veux telephoner....neuf neuf neuf!' (i want to call 999)

I bought me tap shoes today!! Oh the clicking sound is so clackety clickety clippity. Finished reading the dharma bums today. I didn't know it but it was somewhat a book i always wanted to find, it will reside in the bottom of your heart and fill you up. Karma and nature and woods and the alive mountains and solitude and hiking and raisins and nuts and meditation and shacks. Yet this past week I just feel overwhelmed with the amount of errands to run and some work to do, that my heart always feels heavy or stressed. Waking up with heavy boots unrefreshed trying to get through the next day is just shit living. Going to try to change all this. Makes for a tainted sick soul that can't see anything important or do important things right.

sunday night

oh i wish i had a river i could skate away on

my father, sister (new nickname: CORDOVT: constipated obsessive rabbit displaying ominous violent tendencies. and she's proud of it.) and i went to kinokuniya as he had a $110 office voucher. i hungrily got 6 books. the last j.d. salinger book i havent read, wise children and love both by angela carter, the adventures of huckleberry finn, the last of the mohicans, and the unbearable lightness of being. mmmmmmmmm. to sit down with a stomach full of warm cookies in a snug armchair reading the days and nights away.

as we drove back a car intercepted the yellow box that i had the right of way to, and being impatient and curse-happy (as opposed to trigger-happy) i called him a pompous fat ass. and when i asked my father for directions he said 'okay follow that pompous fat ash.'

i had a dream that i killed a pedestrian in a car accident. it wasn't like a morbid fantasy like imagining your own funeral. it was the complete opposite because it was sickening and couldn't have been anything else. an inevitable feeling and then it happened and then you want to bury your face in your hands. it scares me that it could happen any day. driving is mentally unhealthy. it makes me think of death nearly every second. but i saw a light robin egg-blue vespa today with someone on it with orang-utan colored hair and a red backpack zooming off, and it looked incredible.

it's my mother's birthday. her mother gave her a box of cotton buds and she loves it. actually people's birthdays don't just concern them but also their parents and especially their mothers. this is really logical. wouldn't it be sad if no one celebrated the day people had their children? and celebrated the day people were born when they have no recollection of it except that they get presents and it feels nice?????

LOVE the power rangers song and how it's so crazy-rock. it's all jumping on the sofa with my brother all over again.

sneezing

There she was just walking down the street
Singing Do Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Do

The past few days have been like a floaty dream whereby I trod from one part of the house to another, sofa to bed to another bed, with stomach spasms. My best friend has been johnny. Dear Johnny. Who will surely be there when I get married too. Food poisoning aside from the insanely agonizing stomach spasms, is quite fun. Diarrhoea isn't too bad. Vomitting isn't too bad. Deep trances and sleep are nice. Mmmm. I lay around reading Superfudge. Remember that show???? With 'Pee-tah' and his little brother Fudge and the annoying Sheila Tubman. One of those lovely childhood shows, like the adventures of Alex Mack, or puzzle playhouse or enigma, or sabrina the teenage witch. My first day of recovery and I can't stop sneezing and blowing my nose. Wonderful. Also, I saw a dentist today about my wisdom teeth. Mmmm. The receptionist is extremely nice and friendly, speaking as if we are old friends. And the dentist looks like the chinese fair version of Rufus Sewell, but not evil, unless with lurking evil, and he has an old man's charm/whimsical gaze. And you get to bring your own dvd to watch when you're having extractions. Today was just advice and x-ray, and when I went there Click was on. 'it looked like a little tic-tac.' 'Why don't you come here and let me freshen your breath?' Anyhow, he played the eagles and some oldies and also had beach boys and billie holiday cds. And outside it was trees and there were flowers and nice books and a bear and such. It was like a dentist room out of childhood. So he said that extracting all 4 buried wisdom teeth would constitute an operation or surgery and would cost $3000. Hurray. My father asked me why I wrote our old house semi-d address and not our condo address with a block number 'because people who go to mount elizabeth must take off all their rolex and gold jewellery to get cheaper price'. I just knew I'd be one of those wisdom teeth people, i knew it so much i'm not even bitter. So here it is now. If I don't extract them soon they will soon impact the back molars, as 3 of them are facing molars and not upwards. So now the question is, if I do it there, what movie should I bring to watch while having my extraction? It has to be something that can be watched silent with english subtitles all the way, because that's the way it is. Out of all the movies I have....i heart huckabees? No, there's a semi sex scene. Too awkward when there's a man digging in your mouth with a woman holding a tube sucking saliva. I can't ruin my favourite movies by watching them silent all the way with english subtitles!!!!!!! Why can't Bob dylan or paul mccartney wander to singapore without anyone knowing? And sip tea somewhere or just pick their noses under the sun? It's 19 January, I'm 19 and it's time, it's ALWAYS TIME.

rain

I hope this rain doesn't stop anytime soon. The madness is so fun. Squealing schoolgirls, boys walking to busstops with umbrellas and people hurrying around. Tee hee hee. That day a blur looking boy with a red schoolbag came on the bus with a green umbrella with mustard polkadots. And today a boy was so anxious to run onto the bus when it stopped, past the inevitable curtain of rain, he ran on the spot twice before jumping onto the bus like a mad rodent. And flooded busstops and crying trees. Oh but the most magnificent part is seeing cars with their headlights on, whooshing on roads, with huge magnificent fans of water like big fins on their sides, so they look like great sharks cutting through the water, and when the rain is very heavy the world looks like an underwater world. And it is ever so cosy. Even though it is cold you feel warm and protected inside. However if I had a toddler daughter now I would be very worried that she will drown in the floods that might be shin-high or knee-high for us. Wet Wet Wet.

first day of school

SO.....-peers around with sneaky eyes- i got through the first day of school which was mainly composed of blank stares and yawns. the most exciting moment was realising that everyone else knew their results already except me as i didn't know i could check it online weeks ago and then checking it. I got 3 Bs, 2 B pluses, and an A- FOR ASTRONOMY. And I was only hoping to pass it though i did study hard on how white dwarf supernovas occur, and such, till my brain felt like it was going to have a nova of its own. So in the end lovely astronomy didn't let me down. Follow your heart and you won't be let down. 'There's nothing you could never do to ever let me down, just remember that i'll always love you' Badly Drawn Boy.

I just feel there is a brilliant idea waiting for me to discover that will lead me to a lovely cottage of roses and sunshine. Like something I can quit university and do and make money with....i am thinking and itching to find out. I really believe that with a couple of friends who like the same things, you can do something together and be happy. Since life is cruel, why not make it together? Dear people who are watching over me, please give me a sign and remember to greet me at the gates of heaven or wherever it is dead people hang out whimsically watching over living people, when I die. I need you now so let's not let each other down.

I miss my grandfather so much.

daydream believer

DAYDREAM BELIEVER

If i ever write a script or a story, it will be somewhat about me because i can't 'put myself in others' shoes' too hard and it will be called daydream believer, but i probably won't use the monkees' song daydream believer, or not all of it, because it's not really that nice. what does cheer up sleepy jean mean? no idea. maybe not listening hard enough. Everyone could write a story that is somewhat about themselves and this story would be good because it would be true and you could put everything you have in it, and have a short story. That would be nice. For the first time in years, today, i dont hate long hair and i want long hair to hide behind and peer at snaky crocodile blue-green eyes.

new year

I just came back from an all-cousins (minus baby) sleepover in my auntie's clean new house. As usual the boys just played computer games obsessively, and the girls lay in the room among all the cushy mattresses and blankets watching the highly colourful and moronic vivo city countdown. And when it was 2007, I know this sounds stupid, but then I felt sad that 2006 was over, sentimental fool. Last year I heard mindblowing music, watched movies and read much more, and became more crazily frustrated than I already was. Thanks, meself. And this year, today, I brought my sister to peirce her ears! Well actually it was supposed to be a sweet girly thing with her and nat doing it together but my auntie didn't allow it in the end so only sai sai did it. She sat nonchalantly, total opposite of my panicky self when I peirced mine years ago, and they just punched 2 tiny silver dollops on her ear. And instantly she looked prettier. Why is that? Help, my mental calendar can't think properly, too used to imagining days to the new year. Now it has to think in terms of days sprawling ahead and it can't. Richie Rich and Home Alone and Dumb and Dumber and My Boy. The kind of movies you need. Me, nat, sai sai and elysia have been having mad dancing sessions to the cd i got with the bob dylan mojo issue, featuring 'the genius of brian wilson', with beach boys songs done by other people. The Who singing Barbara Ann like hooligans ('BA BA BA, BA BARBARA ANN'). And our favourite, In My Room, sang by the Langley Schools Project, a bunch of school kids:

There's a world where I can go and tell my secrets to
In my room, in my room, in my room, in my room.
In this world I conquer all my worries and my cares
In my room, in my room, in my room, in my room...

Do my dreaming and my scheming
Lie awake and pray
Do my crying and my sighing
Laugh at yesterday

Now it's dark and I'm alone But I won't be afraid
In my room, in my room, in my room, in my room.