single eyelid

Someday, when I'm awfully low

Help, the time has come for me to acquire a double eyelid. On my left eye. The one that stays open when I wink. Blame it on my half hearted single eyelid. My mother got double eyelids in her thirties, they just came with the wrinkling of her skin and decades of...sleep, i suppose. Why is it so early for me? I don't wanna get a double eyelid, help! I want to be a single eyelidded asian girl for the rest of my life! It usually comes after a long night of sleep, and disappears within a couple of hours, but today it has stayed all day, still there, and the feeling is less obvious now, almost as if my skin is moulding to it and getting used to it. No! I must resist!

I have a fantasy of working in an office. The clean, sterile toilets, neat cubicles, insanely obsessive sick cleanliness of the place, the smooth carpet with barely a piece of rubbish, sharpened pencils, clicking pens, printers making that churning sound, office workers huddled at their work, their secret selves hidden within them, seemingly boring, but with secret office romances and enemies. (I watched too many shows) But why is that in a way so attractive? Because it gives you many things to resist. And one has to resist things.

My mother baked a recipe I found at allrecipes.com (an amazing site)- banana blueberry quick bread, which turned out more like cake, and she didnt like it but it was wonderful. Bits of soft gooery banana and sour or sweet juicy blueberries with chunks of walnut. Anyhow, I suddenly got an idea! I told her, practise baking so that when I open a cafe someday, and you retire, you can bake for the cafe and your life won't be meaningless after retirement! Yay, be my slave baker and your life will be full of meaning! My sister added, "I want to go there and study".

In fu man ren jian today, zheng guo ping/xiao dong, a beatles-mad guy, one of the chef disciples of his father, lover of sixties dancing (scuba move and peace sign across the eyes, and hip-wobbling), most frivolous disciple of the four, mad laugher, wearer of black and white checkered pants, danced a lot, and went mad when he saw chen xiu li/margaret ma dancing in a record shop. It was wonderful. He pined after her in his room filled with beatles pictures. i profess his dancing was hilarious and fun to watch like nothing i've ever seen (though madonna in the 80s papa don't preach mtv, in a black leotard and short spiky blonde hair was sensational).

My cousin, my special friend, my ex-everyday-buddy and holiday pal, who would play the computer as I asked him whether my clothes matched, who would follow me around the house as he had nothing to do, who sat on my knees when he was 2 and I screamed as i put my finger in his ear and felt a huge ring of earwax surrounded by cobwebs of...earwax, who used to run around the room naked before bathing, with his cellulite butt and cute big tummy, who can explain scientific phenomenon better than i ever will be able to, who yesterday explained lots of first aid to me, who is also a cancerian and also nostalgic, who went around with his childhood blanket till he was 12, my neurotic isaac, is now officially taller than me.

Goodnight Sunday.