monday night

Hmmm...there is a very very slim silver of a chance that bob dylan or paul or ringo might chance upon this webpage. After all it is available for anyone in the world to read. If you are reading, hi there...I wish we could be friends.

Today desiree and i and auntie went to book our tickets, finally! Places like Anchorage and Cleveland. "Anchorage, Alaska!" "Cleveland, Ohio!" Phrases that resound because of obsessive watching of a few tv shows.

LUSH changes my life. I used LUSH since yesterday, and it was absolutely sneakily fizzily invigorating. There are 3 bottles this time. One dark purple, one coconut-colored and one vermillion. The shampoo (SYLVIA STOUT) contains beer, stout (are those the same things?), cognac oil and lemon. It smells quite strange and revolting but it is oddly satisfying to use it and put up with the smell each time. The conditioner (COOLAULAMIN?) is thick, coconut-flavoured and smells delicious. The orange body wash is LUSH's signature soap/smell, called KARMA. It is citrus and lemon mixed with a 'secret blend of eastern spices', and it is supposed to be a calming shower. I come out of the shower smelling of coconut and sweet eastern spices. And when I wake up the next morning and just wet my hair in the bath the coconut smell emanates from my thick locks. And when i was out of the house my hair smelt of the cognac or beer. Yummy. Lovely fascinating fresh soaps!!!!!!

fall is here, hear the yell
back to school, ring the bell
brand new shoes, walkin blues
climb the fence, books and pens
i can tell that we are gonna be friends
i can tell that we are gonna be friends

walk with me, suzy lee
through the park, and by the tree
we will rest upon the ground
and look at all the bugs we found
safely walk to school without a sound
safely walk to school without a sound

sunday

I feel like all my attempts at blogging, at this writing exercise of sorts, are silly tries at expressing myself and when i read my friends' blogs it seems i can imagine them just saying those things like themselves.

Anyway, has anyone noticed that tian mi mi and once upon a dream (from lady and the tramp) are very similar? Though one is a chinese song and another is a rather classical and grand sort of english song, they're both about meeting someone in a dream.

Shi ni, shi ni, meng jian de jiu shi ni
zai na li, zai na li jian guo ni
(mango tree!)

and

I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you
the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
And i know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem
but if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
The way you did once upon a dream

Someone somewhere said "don't worry about your life", and I think I'm feeling the beginning of that this sunday. I can be an extreme worrier sometimes and as my mother very nicely likes to reminds me, when I was a baby, the doctor labelled me 'a vomitter' too. What an absurd and condemning label. Twice this week I just lay on the bed and sofa watching tennis male semi finals and finals for hours. It's funny how everytime it happens it started simply by chance. The first time I ever really watched tennis was a night in jc 2 when I turned on the tv just for some sound while I was brushing my teeth, and it was federer vs roddick and i had no idea who they were. I ended up watching the match till 2am. And then another time it was federer (curly haired swiss who remains extremely calm and pushes his curls back gently) vs nadal (long-haired warrior looking intense spanish). And a few days ago i chanced upon nadal vs gonzalez (hamster-like chilean), and then just had to watch roddick (crazy funny american guy) vs federer and then today federer vs gonzalez. I don't know anyone else who exists in the current tennis world but when you watch those you know they feel like friends you are rooting for. The clackety sound of the ball being hit and the hoof-like sounds of the feet on the ground and the pleasing green color of the court make it nice to watch. Sometimes i think i'd like nothing better than to lie on a bed for 3 hours straight watching tennis. In 10 things i hate about you, patrick said that he lived with his grandfather and cooked spaghetti (or something like that) and watched wheel of fortune for a year. Since hearing that i have fantasized about doing something like that. Like being in a sunny house surrounded by grass and flowers somewhere, for a year with little miss sunshine (elysia), nat and my sister, and painting and doing funny stuff all day and sleeping like safe babies at night. Oh boy that would be the loveliest, charmingest, funnest thing in the whole wide cloudy shitass world. Goodnight oh sucky world!

friday

I can tell that we are gonna be friends

Mad french class today when we had to role-play in a restaurant situation. The first group had difficult tourists, and one found a worm in her soupe, and she just kept saying 'C'est un mauvais restaurant' and laughing. And another guy, this vietnamese guy who is supposed to be difficult, told the manager he doesn't like his escargots, and the manager said but you haven't tried it and he kept saying 'je sais je n'aime pas' and giggling and insisting and everyone went mad laughing at almost everything, or I did anyway. And the manager said 'je veux telephoner....neuf neuf neuf!' (i want to call 999)

I bought me tap shoes today!! Oh the clicking sound is so clackety clickety clippity. Finished reading the dharma bums today. I didn't know it but it was somewhat a book i always wanted to find, it will reside in the bottom of your heart and fill you up. Karma and nature and woods and the alive mountains and solitude and hiking and raisins and nuts and meditation and shacks. Yet this past week I just feel overwhelmed with the amount of errands to run and some work to do, that my heart always feels heavy or stressed. Waking up with heavy boots unrefreshed trying to get through the next day is just shit living. Going to try to change all this. Makes for a tainted sick soul that can't see anything important or do important things right.

sunday night

oh i wish i had a river i could skate away on

my father, sister (new nickname: CORDOVT: constipated obsessive rabbit displaying ominous violent tendencies. and she's proud of it.) and i went to kinokuniya as he had a $110 office voucher. i hungrily got 6 books. the last j.d. salinger book i havent read, wise children and love both by angela carter, the adventures of huckleberry finn, the last of the mohicans, and the unbearable lightness of being. mmmmmmmmm. to sit down with a stomach full of warm cookies in a snug armchair reading the days and nights away.

as we drove back a car intercepted the yellow box that i had the right of way to, and being impatient and curse-happy (as opposed to trigger-happy) i called him a pompous fat ass. and when i asked my father for directions he said 'okay follow that pompous fat ash.'

i had a dream that i killed a pedestrian in a car accident. it wasn't like a morbid fantasy like imagining your own funeral. it was the complete opposite because it was sickening and couldn't have been anything else. an inevitable feeling and then it happened and then you want to bury your face in your hands. it scares me that it could happen any day. driving is mentally unhealthy. it makes me think of death nearly every second. but i saw a light robin egg-blue vespa today with someone on it with orang-utan colored hair and a red backpack zooming off, and it looked incredible.

it's my mother's birthday. her mother gave her a box of cotton buds and she loves it. actually people's birthdays don't just concern them but also their parents and especially their mothers. this is really logical. wouldn't it be sad if no one celebrated the day people had their children? and celebrated the day people were born when they have no recollection of it except that they get presents and it feels nice?????

LOVE the power rangers song and how it's so crazy-rock. it's all jumping on the sofa with my brother all over again.

sneezing

There she was just walking down the street
Singing Do Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Do

The past few days have been like a floaty dream whereby I trod from one part of the house to another, sofa to bed to another bed, with stomach spasms. My best friend has been johnny. Dear Johnny. Who will surely be there when I get married too. Food poisoning aside from the insanely agonizing stomach spasms, is quite fun. Diarrhoea isn't too bad. Vomitting isn't too bad. Deep trances and sleep are nice. Mmmm. I lay around reading Superfudge. Remember that show???? With 'Pee-tah' and his little brother Fudge and the annoying Sheila Tubman. One of those lovely childhood shows, like the adventures of Alex Mack, or puzzle playhouse or enigma, or sabrina the teenage witch. My first day of recovery and I can't stop sneezing and blowing my nose. Wonderful. Also, I saw a dentist today about my wisdom teeth. Mmmm. The receptionist is extremely nice and friendly, speaking as if we are old friends. And the dentist looks like the chinese fair version of Rufus Sewell, but not evil, unless with lurking evil, and he has an old man's charm/whimsical gaze. And you get to bring your own dvd to watch when you're having extractions. Today was just advice and x-ray, and when I went there Click was on. 'it looked like a little tic-tac.' 'Why don't you come here and let me freshen your breath?' Anyhow, he played the eagles and some oldies and also had beach boys and billie holiday cds. And outside it was trees and there were flowers and nice books and a bear and such. It was like a dentist room out of childhood. So he said that extracting all 4 buried wisdom teeth would constitute an operation or surgery and would cost $3000. Hurray. My father asked me why I wrote our old house semi-d address and not our condo address with a block number 'because people who go to mount elizabeth must take off all their rolex and gold jewellery to get cheaper price'. I just knew I'd be one of those wisdom teeth people, i knew it so much i'm not even bitter. So here it is now. If I don't extract them soon they will soon impact the back molars, as 3 of them are facing molars and not upwards. So now the question is, if I do it there, what movie should I bring to watch while having my extraction? It has to be something that can be watched silent with english subtitles all the way, because that's the way it is. Out of all the movies I have....i heart huckabees? No, there's a semi sex scene. Too awkward when there's a man digging in your mouth with a woman holding a tube sucking saliva. I can't ruin my favourite movies by watching them silent all the way with english subtitles!!!!!!! Why can't Bob dylan or paul mccartney wander to singapore without anyone knowing? And sip tea somewhere or just pick their noses under the sun? It's 19 January, I'm 19 and it's time, it's ALWAYS TIME.

rain

I hope this rain doesn't stop anytime soon. The madness is so fun. Squealing schoolgirls, boys walking to busstops with umbrellas and people hurrying around. Tee hee hee. That day a blur looking boy with a red schoolbag came on the bus with a green umbrella with mustard polkadots. And today a boy was so anxious to run onto the bus when it stopped, past the inevitable curtain of rain, he ran on the spot twice before jumping onto the bus like a mad rodent. And flooded busstops and crying trees. Oh but the most magnificent part is seeing cars with their headlights on, whooshing on roads, with huge magnificent fans of water like big fins on their sides, so they look like great sharks cutting through the water, and when the rain is very heavy the world looks like an underwater world. And it is ever so cosy. Even though it is cold you feel warm and protected inside. However if I had a toddler daughter now I would be very worried that she will drown in the floods that might be shin-high or knee-high for us. Wet Wet Wet.

first day of school

SO.....-peers around with sneaky eyes- i got through the first day of school which was mainly composed of blank stares and yawns. the most exciting moment was realising that everyone else knew their results already except me as i didn't know i could check it online weeks ago and then checking it. I got 3 Bs, 2 B pluses, and an A- FOR ASTRONOMY. And I was only hoping to pass it though i did study hard on how white dwarf supernovas occur, and such, till my brain felt like it was going to have a nova of its own. So in the end lovely astronomy didn't let me down. Follow your heart and you won't be let down. 'There's nothing you could never do to ever let me down, just remember that i'll always love you' Badly Drawn Boy.

I just feel there is a brilliant idea waiting for me to discover that will lead me to a lovely cottage of roses and sunshine. Like something I can quit university and do and make money with....i am thinking and itching to find out. I really believe that with a couple of friends who like the same things, you can do something together and be happy. Since life is cruel, why not make it together? Dear people who are watching over me, please give me a sign and remember to greet me at the gates of heaven or wherever it is dead people hang out whimsically watching over living people, when I die. I need you now so let's not let each other down.

I miss my grandfather so much.

daydream believer

DAYDREAM BELIEVER

If i ever write a script or a story, it will be somewhat about me because i can't 'put myself in others' shoes' too hard and it will be called daydream believer, but i probably won't use the monkees' song daydream believer, or not all of it, because it's not really that nice. what does cheer up sleepy jean mean? no idea. maybe not listening hard enough. Everyone could write a story that is somewhat about themselves and this story would be good because it would be true and you could put everything you have in it, and have a short story. That would be nice. For the first time in years, today, i dont hate long hair and i want long hair to hide behind and peer at snaky crocodile blue-green eyes.

new year

I just came back from an all-cousins (minus baby) sleepover in my auntie's clean new house. As usual the boys just played computer games obsessively, and the girls lay in the room among all the cushy mattresses and blankets watching the highly colourful and moronic vivo city countdown. And when it was 2007, I know this sounds stupid, but then I felt sad that 2006 was over, sentimental fool. Last year I heard mindblowing music, watched movies and read much more, and became more crazily frustrated than I already was. Thanks, meself. And this year, today, I brought my sister to peirce her ears! Well actually it was supposed to be a sweet girly thing with her and nat doing it together but my auntie didn't allow it in the end so only sai sai did it. She sat nonchalantly, total opposite of my panicky self when I peirced mine years ago, and they just punched 2 tiny silver dollops on her ear. And instantly she looked prettier. Why is that? Help, my mental calendar can't think properly, too used to imagining days to the new year. Now it has to think in terms of days sprawling ahead and it can't. Richie Rich and Home Alone and Dumb and Dumber and My Boy. The kind of movies you need. Me, nat, sai sai and elysia have been having mad dancing sessions to the cd i got with the bob dylan mojo issue, featuring 'the genius of brian wilson', with beach boys songs done by other people. The Who singing Barbara Ann like hooligans ('BA BA BA, BA BARBARA ANN'). And our favourite, In My Room, sang by the Langley Schools Project, a bunch of school kids:

There's a world where I can go and tell my secrets to
In my room, in my room, in my room, in my room.
In this world I conquer all my worries and my cares
In my room, in my room, in my room, in my room...

Do my dreaming and my scheming
Lie awake and pray
Do my crying and my sighing
Laugh at yesterday

Now it's dark and I'm alone But I won't be afraid
In my room, in my room, in my room, in my room.